Why "Adulting" Can Be Harder for an Only Child

In your 20s and 30s, "adulting" often feels like learning to swim by being thrown in the deep end. But for many who grew up as only children, the water feels a little colder, and the waves feel a little bigger.

That nagging feeling—that everyone else seems to have a built-in support system or an unwritten rulebook you missed—is real.

This isn't a flaw in your character; it's a direct result of your unique upbringing. The experiences that made you independent and mature also left you unprepared for a few key challenges of adulthood.

Let's unpack why "adulting" can be harder for an only child, and more importantly, how you can navigate it with grace and purpose.

The Challenge of Sole Responsibility

When you're the only one, you become the sole recipient of your parents' emotional, financial, and practical burdens. This is a role you may have learned at a young age, but it hits a new level of reality in adulthood.

• The Emotional Burden: As you move into your 20s and 30s, you become your parents' primary sounding board and confidant. There's no one else to share the weight of family decisions or to provide a different perspective.

• The Practical Burden: The responsibilities of an aging parent—from coordinating doctor's appointments to making sure bills are paid—fall entirely on your shoulders. You're the one and only, and there's no sibling to share the load.

This constant sense of responsibility can be exhausting and can leave you feeling isolated. You're trying to build your own life while also carrying the weight of your family's future, often with no one to lean on.

The Gap in Social Skills

This is not to say that all only children have poor social skills, but many face a unique challenge in navigating certain social dynamics.

• Conflict Resolution: Siblings are a natural, messy training ground for conflict resolution. You learn to fight, forgive, and move on. Without this experience, you may find yourself either avoiding conflict entirely or not knowing how to manage it healthily in your adult relationships.

• Negotiation & Compromise: You likely had your parents' undivided attention, which is a wonderful gift. However, it may have left you with less experience in negotiating, compromising, and sharing—skills that are essential in the workplace and in relationships.

• Making New Friends: While only children are often great at entertaining themselves, the act of making friends can feel more high-stakes. Without a built-in peer group at home, you may feel more pressure to fit in, leading to social anxiety or a fear of not being accepted.

The Loneliness of Adulthood

The stereotype of the lonely only child is often misunderstood. It's not a lack of friends that causes loneliness; it's the lack of a shared past and a shared future with someone who "gets it."

• The Holiday Loneliness: During holidays or family events, you may see your friends laughing with their siblings and feel a pang of longing for that same bond. You love your family, but it's not the same as having a built-in friend who shares the same memories.

• The Unspoken Fear of the Future: As we discussed in a previous post, the ultimate loneliness for an only child is the reality of being the last one standing. This is a fear that you have to face alone, and it can feel like a heavy emotional burden.

The Path to Thriving

Your upbringing may have made some aspects of "adulting" harder, but it also equipped you with unique strengths. The solution isn't to get rid of who you are but to fill in the gaps with intentional action and unwavering faith.

1. Embrace Your Inner CEO Your independence is a superpower. You learned to be a leader, a decision-maker, and a self-starter. Use these skills to your advantage. Take ownership of your life and your future.

2. Build Your Board of Advisors (Your Chosen Family) This is the most critical step. You need to intentionally build a support system. Find trusted friends, mentors, and community members who can act as the siblings you never had. Be honest with them about your struggles and let them into your life. The Bible tells us that "a friend who sticks closer than a brother" is a powerful force for good.

3. Learn to Let Go Acknowledge that you can't carry the world on your shoulders. It's okay to ask for help, to delegate, and to not have all the answers. Your value is not in your performance but in who you are as a child of God. This truth is the ultimate freedom from the pressure to be perfect and to be everything to everyone.

4. Find Your Place in the World Your purpose is bigger than just your family. Find a community where you can serve and use your unique gifts to help others. This will give your life a sense of meaning and connection that goes far beyond your family history.

Your journey is not about overcoming who you are. It's about empowering yourself with the awareness to become the complete, whole person you were always meant to be.